i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
