So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
