I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
