So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize