Just cropdusted the office
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
