She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
