ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
