i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i now understand why vodka
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
