I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
