Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
