Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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