you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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