please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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