Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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