i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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