last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
