Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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