Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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