break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
