He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize