I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
