Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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