i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i now understand why vodka
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize