My cat gives me a boner
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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