In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
