mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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