Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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