My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
