if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
