Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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