I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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