STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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