We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
