You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize