He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
