dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my being single is dangerous.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
