Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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