I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
