so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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