We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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