Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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