final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
