i'm lost and i look like a hooker
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
