Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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