I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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