the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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