Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
