I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
