My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize