Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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