Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
