Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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