1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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