I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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