i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
