you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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