soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
