if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
