I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
as a side note pls kill me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
