So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
