her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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