i robbed the continental breakfast last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Damn victory sex feels great
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
