I've blown a few things in my day
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
