so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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