Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
