you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
