i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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