I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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