Is it because I queefed?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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