stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
