talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
