Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize