I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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