Soap is not a condiment
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
