Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
