We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
