maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
