I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
