I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
