Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I didn't shave. On purpose
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
