I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
