I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
